Nix - Mom, where did I come out?
Me - At the hospital
Nix - No, where did I come OUT?
Me - In Idaho at Madison Hospital.
Nix - NO MOM! Where did I come OUT?
Me- Brandon, is she asking....
Brandon - I think so...
Me - Nix, why don't we go chat on mommys bed...
I was not ready for these questions at all. I read that at 3-4 I should be teaching my children of the differences of the sexes and how important the roles of each sex is...I gess I just stayed at age 3 and 4 and Phoenix moved on.
Our talk was really very simple and she was very satisfied at the end. I found a sketch of a baby in a mothers womb and talked about how the baby has a bedroom in there with water to swim in. When the baby comes out it has its own slide to come out of. She seemed satisfied and moved on...
This morning I have not really moved on. This morning I was awaken from a very disconcerting dream.
I was pregnant and it was time to go to the hospital. I knew there were contractions but of course because it was a dream I didn't feel anything. When we got to the hospital there were pregnant women on blankets all over the lawn of this big hospital. Their families were having picnics as they screamed and one even kicked her husband in agony. I somehow knew that these women were in too much pain to walk so they were waiting for their contractions to lighten up before going in. Peculiar. I got in the hospital and felt guilty because my labor had stopped. I told them that I didn't want to be admitted. I looked down and realized that my belly was tiny and was confused. I thought I was full term but maybe I was wrong. There was no pain and there was no belly. The nurses still wanted to do testing on me so Brandon decided to go back to work. For some reason they were still convinced that I was going to be having a baby so they got me all ready and did an ultrasound. At that moment I saw the most heartbreaking thing. I cannot get that sight out of my head. The baby was very badly deformed and even crying in the womb. I don't know how but I heard it. The ultrasound tech quickly turned it off and tried to lie saying that the baby was healthy. Just then I started bleeding a lot and I know that the baby must come. I knew it was going to be a very disabled little boy and he moght not even survive the birth process.
It was then that I awoke. Sad. I told Brandon about the dream and he jokes saying that it was a sign that we should have another baby. I don't know if it was a sign but it was sad and a terrible way to wake up.
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